Office of Personal Development

October 01 2025

The company is reminding the employee that performance must not be impacted regardless of events external to the employee.

When asked why the employee’s Teams icon became green at 8:02 a.m. instead of 8:00 a.m., the employee advised “government helicopters were circling my neighborhood all night.”

The employee’s primary goals of enhancing intercompany communication must not be impacted by any external factors, including, but not limited to:

• Government military takeover of current residential city
• Being placed on government watch lists
• Observation of fellow citizens being disappeared and/or unalived
• Inability to afford required cost-of-living expenditures
• Targeted communications sowing perceived misconceptions and division amongst fellow citizens
• A**a**inations of private citizens

Please remember your goal is of the utmost importance to humanity: continue hitting your KPI’s and you may still be in the running for the quarterly pizza party! It’s not too late 🙂

-HR